First day of Kindergarten: Mommy vs. The Monster
Madeline is heading off to kindergarten. She is ridiculously ready for her new challenge. I have spent many nights lying in bed next to her probing for any apprehensions she may choose to confess. Nothing! “I’m not worried mom, it’s gonna be great. I’m gonna make new friends and I’m gonna learn lots of stuff and you are gonna be so proud.” Yes, my mommy, I mean my daughter, has assured me that kindergarten is going to be great and I, I mean she, is going to be just fine.
The night before her kindergarten screening, we talked about what would be expected of her the next day in her very first school experience. I wasn’t really sure myself, but I was confident that she would pass with flying colors. What I did not know was that she was going to stand so tall, look these new strangers right in the eye, speak clearly and confidently when spoken to and remember her manners with no prompting. I sat in awe watching my child glide gracefully from station to station meeting new people and answering new questions, eager to move on and conquer the next and seemingly waiting for the hard stuff.
I was soon informed that there would be a special “first day of school” for kindergartners and their parents. Moms and dads were invited to ride the bus that first day with their child and to spend the day with them at school helping us all to learn the ropes together. I was ecstatic. Gone were the days of sending our most valued possession off into the “real world” all alone while we sit home wondering if they can handle their new role of “student”. Parents don’t have to worry about peeling their child off of their leg and abandoning the tear soaked faces of their little ones. We don’t have to wonder if they are eating lunch all alone or wandering around the playground aimless and friendless. I however, had been fairly content knowing that none of this would be a problem with my daughter. No, my problem would arise only now with this new development. Would my very independent daughter allow me to get on that school bus with her and hang around all day?
Yes, my daughter has far exceeded my expectations of growing into a strong, autonomous little girl. But in my relentless efforts to raise a young lady who is courageous, confident and self-reliant, I have created a bit of a monster, and I imagine this monster surfacing right there on that school bus when those doors close behind us and I am still on it. I fear its wrath when we arrive at her new school and enter her classroom, and I pull up a chair and attempt to blend in before the monster notices that I am still there. “Mom, you can go now”, she will politely suggest, as usual, while trying to contain the monster who is about to spit fire and demand that I get off her turf. This is about the time when I usually oblige and appease the monster who typically lurks around daycare, the grandparents houses and all of her friends houses. These are her territories, and there is no room or need for mom.
I have attempted to prepare her for my looming presence on her big day. I have expressed how much fun we are going to have together, and she has flat out replied that moms don’t go to kindergarten. I have explained that this is just one special day and it’s going to be great, to which she responds with only an eerie silence and a fiery, piercing, we’ll-see-about-that glance from the rousing monster.
Well, I too can be brave and courageous, and I have every intention of taking on the beast of insistent independence. I am confident that my desire to watch my daughter take on her new challenges is more than powerful enough to conquer the monster. Anyway, I use to be the master of invisibility when I was little and those nighttime monsters came out of the closet or from under my bed. I’m pretty sure I can conjure up this magic power again for the sake on my impending beaming pride! I wouldn’t miss this for anything.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
When I was 25 I vowed never to try to change a man. At 30 I realized that thanks to their mothers, every guy is going to need some tweaking. Unfortunately for our generation, our husbands’ doting mothers went out of their way to ensure that their son would always need them, and that no woman would ever live up to dear old mom. The result; needy, pouting, non-communicating, helpless slobs who grow up expecting their wives to pick up their dirty socks, learn how to make mom's special grilled cheese sandwiches and apple pie, always put their needs first, and to anticipate their every need before they are forced to express themselves verbally. And mom would accept nothing less from her future daughter-in-law than her very best, yet never quite good enough, efforts to fill her shoes.
I love my mother-in-law dearly. She raised five boys and was the typical doting mother (I often dream of the difference just one sister would have made in this family). Even now, no one can walk into her house without being bombarded with a barrage of “Can I get you…or…or some…?” Her grown boys are often shamelessly unappreciative of her undying need to serve them and at times, respond in a very obnoxious manner. I insist she should scold them when they do this and she says she is too nice and they are grown men and she doesn't feel that would be right. It's a lost cause at this point and while I love her youngest son very much, I resent having to teach him the basics that his mother let fall through the cracks. I have even, on occasion, suggested (insistently) that he call her and apologize for his behavior. “I hope she doesn’t think you speak to me that way, or that I will ever let our son speak to me like that.” Enough said (for now). I don’t believe in scolding grown men either, until he acts like a bratty child.
When I was growing up, my brother would declare that he was hungry and my mother would offer to make him something. When I said it, she would offer me a list of things that I could make myself. I'm grateful for her teaching me to be self-sufficient, and confused as to why she didn't think my brother needed this life skill. The other day I was at my brother's house visiting with my sister-in-law. He was doing some painting in their new house and she was tending to their baby. At one point my brother said, "Julie make me...I mean, can you make me a ham and cheese sandwich please." She and I looked at each other in disgust knowing he what he was going to say before he remembered they had company. Luckily his wife is a strong woman who is begrudgingly trying to patch the holes my mother left in my brother.
Our society has taught us (falsely) that boys are the tougher sex, so if our son is crying or simply not content, he must really, really need his mommy. Wrong! He is crying because he knows mommy will cave. Then these boys grow into men, their crying turns into pouting and the caving in becomes the wife's job. Well I have two children to raise and no intention of setting the poor example of caving in to anyone’s pouting!
We, as mothers have a responsibility to our fellow women. Take a good look at your husband, or even your father, and ask yourself what would make them a better husband/father. Be sure to instill these missing links in your son. I will teach my son to communicate his feelings, attempt to meet his own needs before assuming someone else will, and most of all RESPECT HIS MOTHER. He will learn (with any luck) to have faith in himself that even when I am not around, he will survive with the skills I have given him.
We all want our sons to fall for a woman who reminds them of dear old mom. But while I hope that my son seeks out a woman just like his mother, I hope he is drawn to her for her strength, her big heart and her unconditional love rather than her desire to meet his every need. His wife will thank me later.
I love my mother-in-law dearly. She raised five boys and was the typical doting mother (I often dream of the difference just one sister would have made in this family). Even now, no one can walk into her house without being bombarded with a barrage of “Can I get you…or…or some…?” Her grown boys are often shamelessly unappreciative of her undying need to serve them and at times, respond in a very obnoxious manner. I insist she should scold them when they do this and she says she is too nice and they are grown men and she doesn't feel that would be right. It's a lost cause at this point and while I love her youngest son very much, I resent having to teach him the basics that his mother let fall through the cracks. I have even, on occasion, suggested (insistently) that he call her and apologize for his behavior. “I hope she doesn’t think you speak to me that way, or that I will ever let our son speak to me like that.” Enough said (for now). I don’t believe in scolding grown men either, until he acts like a bratty child.
When I was growing up, my brother would declare that he was hungry and my mother would offer to make him something. When I said it, she would offer me a list of things that I could make myself. I'm grateful for her teaching me to be self-sufficient, and confused as to why she didn't think my brother needed this life skill. The other day I was at my brother's house visiting with my sister-in-law. He was doing some painting in their new house and she was tending to their baby. At one point my brother said, "Julie make me...I mean, can you make me a ham and cheese sandwich please." She and I looked at each other in disgust knowing he what he was going to say before he remembered they had company. Luckily his wife is a strong woman who is begrudgingly trying to patch the holes my mother left in my brother.
Our society has taught us (falsely) that boys are the tougher sex, so if our son is crying or simply not content, he must really, really need his mommy. Wrong! He is crying because he knows mommy will cave. Then these boys grow into men, their crying turns into pouting and the caving in becomes the wife's job. Well I have two children to raise and no intention of setting the poor example of caving in to anyone’s pouting!
We, as mothers have a responsibility to our fellow women. Take a good look at your husband, or even your father, and ask yourself what would make them a better husband/father. Be sure to instill these missing links in your son. I will teach my son to communicate his feelings, attempt to meet his own needs before assuming someone else will, and most of all RESPECT HIS MOTHER. He will learn (with any luck) to have faith in himself that even when I am not around, he will survive with the skills I have given him.
We all want our sons to fall for a woman who reminds them of dear old mom. But while I hope that my son seeks out a woman just like his mother, I hope he is drawn to her for her strength, her big heart and her unconditional love rather than her desire to meet his every need. His wife will thank me later.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
